get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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