Christians are straight up FREAKS
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
