I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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