Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
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