fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
