Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
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I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
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There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I didn't notice because vodka
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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