Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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