she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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