Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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