I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
