You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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