Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Thank you for not boning my boss.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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