I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize