I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
