you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
