Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
