I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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