I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
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Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
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Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize