I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
