We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
