I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
