I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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