I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
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i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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