yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
