she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
