The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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