quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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