I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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