we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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