I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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