I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
The air taste purple.
Randomize