I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
