dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
