Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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