How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
where are my eyebrows?
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