I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
