My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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