do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
