so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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