So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
