I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
