i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Can you bring me the toilet please
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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