Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
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you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
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I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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