i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
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Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
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Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize