I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
