my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
