Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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