Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
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I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
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I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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