No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Boobs are out for the taking
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
