Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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