This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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