tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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