I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize