Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
