fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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