2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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