Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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