we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
